...that sometimes when you teach your children something, you often need to hear it just as much or more than they do. Lately, I have really been struggling trying to burn my candle at both ends, trying desperately to make everyone happy, often feeling like I end up making no one happy. At the end of the day sometimes I feel like I have been inundated with more complaints and criticisms than appreciation and thanks. Why is it so easy to complain and criticize rather than praise? Or simply keep your negative thoughts or opinions to yourself? Every single day in the life of a mother is hard, not always overwhelmingly hard, but hard nonetheless. As a mother of four young children, I have a lot on my plate. Though I am not perfect, I feel like I put my all into everything I do, especially when it comes to my family. I am constantly trying to find new ways to be better and to do better, so when someone insults me, or attacks who I am, it hurts (especially when I am already tired and having an overwhelming day); it often leaves me feeling bewildered and confused when someone who doesn't see what I do day in and day out: the sacrifices I make, the sleep I lose, or the heart and soul I put into everything I do, feels they can pass judgement calls on who I am or on how I am performing. I don't know how I could possibly run faster than I already do (figuratively speaking of course). I honestly don't see how I could humanly do anymore than I already am doing, which leaves me asking, Why? Why would you say something to someone knowing it will hurt them? Why would you pass a judgement call on someone without knowing all of the facts? Why would someone even begin to think they know what someone else is experiencing or dealing with when they have never walked a mile in their shoes? Why would anyone intentionally hurt another person? As I began to ask myself Why, I also wondered if the specific recent criticism was true, and I began to let it fester inside, causing me to doubt myself and my ability, until today (or ever again)! Today as I sat down to teach my sweet, beautiful daughters about how special they are to me and to Heavenly Father, I too learned a very powerful lesson.
every word I spoke awakened my mind to the knowledge that I am special, that there is no one like me, and I should not and will not worry about what others think! What matters most is that I know and Heavenly Father knows I am doing the best I can, and I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father loves me! (excerpt from I'm Gonna Like Me by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell)
12 comments:
Love the book I'm Gonna Like Me...I take it out and read it myself sometimes. I love you sis, and think you are a great mother! You have set a terrific example for me to follow. Love you!
Thank you so much Elizabeth; that means a lot to me!!!! :)
Beautiful thoughts- I definitely think we have all been there. We left church early on Sunday because of a comment someone said to me that had me in tears (I blame it on hormones), but in the end- we are all just trying to do the best we can, so why do we feel like we need to judge each other? You really are in inspiration to me- I think you are an amazing wife and mother. Rich is a lucky man, and those kids couldn't ask for a better mama!
Ditto to the above. I was talking about the situation with a friend of mine today, a person who teaches religion and philosophy at the college. For a while, he was a missionary in Spain, and later he served as a minister in a Methodist church. Anyway, he was aghast (did I spell that right?) when I told him the story. How, he wondered, could/would a child ever feel that it was "okay" to speak to an adult in such a manner? It was rude, disrespectful, and as Granny would say, "uncalled for."
I am not sure what was said but Brett and I often have to deal with people thinking a large family is a negative or that we are somehow letting one of our kids "slip thru the cracks" b/c we have so many children (yes, this was once said to me). We firmly believe that perception is a large part of life so no matter how messy our house may be, how much laundry needs to be done, no matter how little sleep we got, we always leave with our hair combed, our teeth brushed and our clothes clean. And we always answer the "you've got your hands full" comment with "they are all a blessing!"
I am hoping with all my heart that it wasn't my 10 year olds comment that caused such feelings.
Or maybe I should say, this blog post.....
Okay, I've since read your mother's comment and have come to the conclusion that you are talking about my Naomi and I am feeling the need to defend her.
You said "Why is it so easy to complain and criticize rather than praise?" to which I would like to remind you that Naomi has praised you and praised you often. And not only that but she's been helpful to you, her- AT TEN, has seen when you could use help and without the prompting of her mother, has sat with you in Sacrament meeting and helped you load your car after church.
Was what she said rude? Disrespectful? Uncalled for? Sure. But she is 10. And if she knew that a blog post was dedicated to her thoughtless words she would be devastated.
I am glad you are feeling better.
Lorinda, I think what made the comment so hurtful was that it was from Naomi. I have been so overwhelmed lately by trying (and failing) to be everything and do everything, and then for Naomi to say something so ugly to me caught me sooooo off guard; she has never been ugly or disrespectful to me before (quite the opposite in fact), and my overwhelmed mood only made the hurt go deeper. I do feel better now though.
In that case, maybe as you want others to see the good in you, you can see the good in her. She's adores you and has gone out of her way for you, as you know. She's loved being helpful to you (because she loves you). Just as you want others to look over your imperfectness, you could look over hers. And remember that she's ten.(I *promise* ten is not that far from 5, you'll see) When I read your blog post at first I thought that some woman at church said something and then I realized it was Naomi and I thought, "well, she's NOT going to know what you do everyday".... she's just not, until she's there. What does any 10 year old know about motherhood? Or organization? I can tell you that she doesn't, none of mine has and I sure didn't at that age.
I admit to finding it hurtful that it was blogged about....
I have noticed how much you have on your plate. And I am sure you have much more than what I even see. If you still have the book on motherhood from Emily Watts that you borrowed, it's a good read and covers that in a chapter or two. It might help, and I probably read it too late (after I learned the hard way) but I agreed with what she said. She tells a story of making the fancy schmancy treat for her childs kindergarten class and then realizing they would have gotten the same enjoyment even if she hadn't gone out of the way and stressed out. (can't remember details)
Let me know if you want to talk more or if you'd like for me to shut my mouth and come mop your kitchen floor. :)
I am available Friday if you need a sitter to go have a quiet moment. I love you and KNOW your struggle with 4 small kids. I know and remember it all too well. Please know I am always here for you.
Yes girl, please shut your mouth and get over here and mop my floor. LOL Before you do though, I want you to know that Naomi may have been the catalyst for starting the blog post, but not the entire focus of the post. If only her comment was the only criticism I have heard lately, that would be heaven! Now remember I like the good smelling Pine-Sol. :) LOL
A very good friend of mine wrote this wonderful poem out for me years ago after something offensive was said to me. I love it and it's real food for thought (and something we don't often think about).
Cry or curse or call it unfair,
But be grateful 'til the grave
That in this hurt
You're the one who received,
And not the one who gave.
Author Unknown
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